Iowahawk Gathers The (Barely) Rejected Stories About The Ft Hood Shootings

Big Hollywood Headline Roundup: Troubled American Psychiatrist Allegedly Turns Gun on Warmongers at Ft. Hood

Iowahawk had gathered the first submissions of various newspaper stories in different markets. Most were heavily changed before publication, others not so much.

As usual, Iowahawk provides the answers to questions we never asked, but wish we had.

(Danger! Satire being used on site. May be harmful to those who take themselves much too seriously)

Bill Clinton’s Still Full Of It.

Paul Helmke: Bill Clinton On Pragmatism (And Guns) In The Obama Era

Nobody wants to repeal the Second Amendment, and nobody wants to keep you out of the deer woods, but wouldn’t it be nice if your children didn’t have to worry about being mowed down by an assault weapon when they turn the corner?

When was the last time anyone was “mowed down by an assault weapon” Bill?

How about almost never. Assault weapons are not even a blip as far a shootings go.

and then there’s this gem:

It’s not a leftward movement. It’s a forward, communitarian movement. Shared opportunities. Shared responsibilities. Shared values, including the most important of all: “Our differences are really interesting, and they make life in America much more interesting, but our common humanity matters more.”

Shared? How about sharing all those millions of dollars you have been scarfing up from your foreign buddies, Bill? You know, if you’re serious about that whole “income inequality” thing you can start by redistributing your wealth.

Yeah, I know. Not f**king likely.