Earl Is A Bloomin Idiot

GovTrack: House Record: BETTER CHOICES FOR AMERICANS (111-h20090310-5)

Mr. Speaker, it was interesting to listen to my good friend from North Carolina with her interpretation.

You know, it’s interesting. My Republican friends simply had no solution other than to gut the infrastructure investments that are so critical, the important health care initiatives, and replace them with more tax cuts, most of which would not meet the needs of people who need help the most.

The “people who need them most” means politicians like himself that are trying to make the people understand that all good things come from Washington DC and it is only through the good graces of people like himself that the common man would surely be wandering the streets, helpless and starving if people like Earl were not there to take care of them.

I will tell you, I invite people to look at what we did. Indeed, the $6 billion that is flowing to my State of Oregon over the next 2 years has made a critical difference to support State services, to be able to invest in cleaning up the environment, to save and create jobs. I’ve posted a guide on my Web site to each and every one of those provisions–62 pages in all–where people can track for themselves. There are not, for example, tax increases for most Americans. My friend from North Carolina is just flat wrong. If she would research the bill that we approved here on the floor, she would find that in fact 95 percent of the people get tax cuts. Nobody is having tax increases over the next couple of years, even the very wealthy. And it’s what, in fact, America has asked for.

If you want one of these jobs you had better toe the line and know when to shut up. He or any of his union friends had better not hear any grumbling about the Unions or anything else if you want to keep working. The next thing is to get rid of the secret ballot in State elections as well. He wants to make sure no one is intimidated or gets any ideas by listening to the Party’s opponents. That’s freedom you can believe in! Besides, all these people are depending on Earl to keep the funding going so they won’t lose their jobs, they couldn’t possibly take care of themselves if he didn’t do it for them.

As far as 95% of people getting tax cuts go, Earl should go through the bill and point out all those tax cuts for us. You DO want to help us, don’t you, Earl?

I would suggest that it’s time for us to step back from some of this goofy back and forth because I think there are a wide range of areas that we can agree that reform needs to be made.

Sure, transparency in the Congress and White House would be a start. How about all Congressmen and Senators posting their calenders on their web pages so we can see who they’re meeting with? They could also post any contributions to the internet within 72 hrs, that would be reform.

But what Earl’s talking about is reforming the government in order to give bureaucrats more control over people. He wants them to control where you live, where you work, how much you get paid, how you travel to work, who you will see when you’re sick and what they will be allowed to do. You can have your First and Second Amendment Rights, within reason. And guess who’s going to decide what is reasonable? That’s right! Earl and the Party bureaucrats.

I like what I heard from President Obama on the campaign trail and what I heard from the rostrum here when the President addressed his first joint session of Congress. There are a number of areas of health, energy, tax, and agriculture that actually can bring people together. Now is not the time for commissions and study groups or for mindless political bickering; now is the time to actually do what we know we can accomplish.

That’s right, folks. There is no time for discussion and debate. It is time for the government to take complete control. President Obama and Earl are going to tell you exactly what you need to do and when to do it. They will listen to¬† no backtalk or defeatist rhetoric. They know exactly what the best use of your skills are and where. You will be assigned a job, a house (on a bus route, of course) a domestic partner (No whining that you’re not gay, The Leaders¬† know more about you than you do.) Everyone will achieve diversity, since it is the highest virtue. (Government workers will move among you with color charts in order to classify everyone so they can be moved to achieve the highest diversity) Don’t worry. The government is here to help. (And you had better damn well accept it if you want to keep working and eating)

There are multiple areas where it isn’t so much picking low-hanging fruit, it’s actually picking that fruit up off the ground. We need to articulate a vision of how we’re going to accomplish that. For example, in the area of agriculture, it’s not just the problem in the past that rich sugar farmers have had more clout than poor hungry children. There are ways in reforming agriculture that we can put more money in the pocket of more ranchers and farmers and less into the pockets of the wealthy few who don’t need it.

OK Earl. I’m trying to grasp this economic system of yours. We’re going to help the farmers by not giving them subsidies? Or are we going to give them subsides, but tax the hell out of them if they produce too much?

I’m a little unclear on this. Are we going to take the poor hungry children and make them work on the farm? What about their schooling? Or is this going to be one of those huge factory farms that has been converted to a collective? Big factory farms are OK if they’re collective farms, but not if they’re private enterprise.

We can implement reforms to help change the bureaucracy with things like crop insurance reform, that independent observers have identified for years, but Congress hasn’t had the will to follow through on fixing it. We can pay farmers and ranchers to protect the environment, not to damage it. We can concentrate on strengthening American agriculture and producing more healthy food rather than a few commodities, frankly, that the world has enough of.

Well, thank goodness Earl is there to help the farmers (the ones that are not rich) from having to plant all those crops there is no demand for.

In the area of health, the research is in. There are a number of communities across the country that are low cost, high performing where people live longer and get sick less often. In fact, we see some of the areas of the country where we are spending the most government money in Medicare actually is not helping people. Rather, many of those areas actually have worse results because people get unnecessary tests and procedures, not concentrating on things that will make them healthy. We can reward the low-cost, high-performing areas while we send signals to those that are spending lots of money and not performing very well. Let’s send the message there’s a bipartisan consensus that we’re going to fix that.

So in order to stop this kind of thing from happening you’re going to have a board that decides, on a nationwide basis, what treatments and medication will be allowed? No heart surgery from Grandpa, he’s too old and no longer productive. The board can decide that anyone over the age of 70, unless they are or are related to a politician, is “life unworthy of life”? That worked well in other times, didn’t it?

In the area of transportation, there is a vast coalition that has emerged around the country that wants to help the Federal Government get more money and streamline the Federal partnership. They are willing to work with us so that there are more choices, higher standards, and sustainable revenue. The Chamber of Commerce, organized labor, environmentalists, transit advocate bicyclists, all combine in an approach to make America’s transportation partnership with State and local governments better and stronger.

Workers Of the World Unite! If you’re not in one of those groups you’re just SOL (look it up). You’re part of the problem and you will be dealt with accordingly.

By the way, what part of the Constitution gives the Federal government a say in local transportation issues?

We don’t need to rely on the same old patterns. We can, in this Congress, take action that unite people all across the spectrum all across the country. We’ve got a President who can use the bully pulpit. I strongly urge that we work with him for a new vision, more value, better choices for Americans, and to do it now.

All rise and sing with me. “Democratic Uber Alles, uber alles in der Welt”

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